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I buy hair gel. On occasion, I style my hair. This is not really embarrassing, but isn't the manliest activity either. Real men are bald and in prison or have never cut long hair and are hunting buffalo in prehistoric America. On a semi-conscious level I must perceive purchasing hair products as a threat to my masculinity because I will only buy hair gel with the word "sport" on the bottle. This is obviously ridiculous as there is no sport for which well styled hair is a prerequisite. Most men must feel the same way I do as every men's beauty product from body spray to aftershave is sports branded. If a guy is bleaching his hair to match his favorite ex-boy-band-member, he can rest assured that there is a picture of a man competing in a triathlon on the bottle. Tough guys also prefer their products to be extreme or high endurance. If you're going to spend 20 minutes sculpting your hair into the perfect indie-rock-just-got-out-of-bed-mess, the gel better have the maximum amount of hold allowed by law.

If you fish on a crowded beach you are a jerk. Statistics indicate you are also a University of Georgia fan. When you are setting up your fishing lines (which you aren't even actively holding) you are blocking off part of the beach from walking, sun bathing, swimming, and surfing. Baiting for fish is basically chumming for sharks which is basically sanctioning Jaws eating a surfer. Don't you have a bridge, pier, or fishy hole you can go to?

Lending money to developing nations that are likely to have a populist uprisings and default on their loans.
Heroin eye drops.
Getting a third refill on sweet tea.
Establishing myself as a successful comedic actor and then trying to move into more serious roles.
Stapler tag.
Engaging in abusive hair stylist/hair stylee relationships.
Punching lions.
Saying "no" to a co-worker who offers you the last donut, but then killing and eating them.

There is vast array of driver behaviors that make me angry. I should try to be more Zen about congestion or move close enough to work to ride a bicycle. I should, but I won't. I will commute up GA 400 every day so I can increase my blood pressure and decrease my faith in humanity.

Traffic Anger Analogies (fill in the blanks):

BLANK is to Traffic Situation as BLANK is to Other Situation

• Tailgating - Standing too close at a concert and face whipping me with your mullet every time you head bang
• Failure to use your turn signal - Showing up to my house uninvited and drinking my beer. My imported beer.
• Not vacating the left lane to let me pass you - Forcing me to watch American Idol because you are just mentally stunted enough to enjoy it.
• Trying to squeeze through a yellow light and blocking an intersection - Murdering my wife because if you can't have her, fuck it, no one can.
• Cutting in front of a long line of merging cars - Eating the last of the rations in our life raft while I starve to death.
• Letting someone else in front of a long line of merging cars - Stealing $20 from me so you can buy drugs for a pregnant meth addict.
• Slowing down to stare at an accident - Finding yourself on a hijacked airplane and helping the hijackers crash it into a pre-school for the blind.